Hey Hun, Help Me Try This On...

So for those of you who ever wondered, the flu bug does not die - it just relocates. Evil little bastard... anyway, let's hope I can write something coherent:

I was reading an article in one of my magazines about having sex in public, and how to do it. Now, I'm all for expanding your boundries and getting naughty in new places to keep it exciting, but honestly, there's just some places that are NOT a good idea:

The Bathroom
Let me start by saying, "ewwww...". Why? Your bathroom may be clean, fresh and smell like a spring breeze (that means you obsessively clean like I do, good for you). Now, a public bathroom, you're taking your chances. On an average day, sure it's cleaned, but why would you want to get it on in a place you literally go number #1 and #2?!? It's kind of hard to keep yourself in the mood when you're thatclose to the toilet; you don't know what the last person did in there. Also, in a place like a bar or a club, there's barely even toilet paper, and yet, you want to drop the panties there, the bacteria haven on the city? If you can bring yourself to do it, then kudos I suppose... I will also be spraying you with Lysol the next time I see you.

Dressing Room
Seems like a good idea, right? I don't like dressing rooms anymore because all I can picture is the number of naked butts that have been all over that dressing room, like bench or the mirror or up against the wall. Now, in a place like Express, somewhere that isn't that busy all the time and barely has an attendant, EVER, you can probably get away with this, but usually, you're not that lucky, so really, you're better off trying somewhere else. Just remember the butts thing next time you go to try on a pair of jeans, just imagine the cheeks that have been rubbed up near the door handle, as well as many, many other things.

Your Car
If your car has an alarm, it WILL go off, trust me (ahem...oops). This will draw attention, especially if you're in the backseat and you're scrambling to get to the front or to your keys to shut it off. Plus, unless you have an Escalade or something roomy, this may become a pain to try and maneuver--- if you're tall, you may take out a window.

Your Complex Pool/Hot Tub
You're not the only one that's tried, trust me, and the self cleaning system isn't always the best. You know that fluff and bubbles in the middle of the hot tub? Go ahead and take a guess what's in there.


Now, remember, you can pull these off but you have to do it right (except the hot tub, monumentally stupid idea for the infections and problem that will follow). Like I said, if the place is private (I love you Express --- two sets of dressing rooms, with the main one barely even checked on... oh yeah, you have nice clothes too I guess) but somewhat sanitary --- is sex in a public place worth a UTI or something else slightly disgusting growing down there? If you can find a nice dark place in somewhere like Dave and Buster's, which is big and dark in some areas and not always monitored, then go for it. Oh yeah, and try to find a place that DOESN'T have a camera: I doubt the cops will let you keep a copy of the momentous occasion afterward.