Big Shiny Ones

I sometimes wonder: why is there a burning desire to get married, or at least, engaged?

I've been with Bart for about 4 1/2 years now, and we are still considered 'boyfriend/girlfriend'. When I tell people how long I have been with my boyfriend, their first question is, "so when are you guys getting married?" My responses vary:

"As soon as I can get him drunk and to Vegas..."

"As soon as the twins are born..."

"Next time Elvis comes to town..."


Even my own dad asks me these questions. I tried giving him the baby response, and he just laughed (mainly because he has a very good sense of humor, and he knows me + children + right now = not gonna happen), and then asks to speak to Bart so he can do the whole 'when are you marrying my daughter?', at which point Bart hands back the phone and says he hates me... he refuses to take the phone now (he's learned).

Why are we, as women, so hell bent on getting engaged? We see our friends get engaged and married, and we seethe with envy and jealousy. What the hell? There used to be a time when I was convinced if a guy bought me any kind of jewelry, it meant he was breaking up with me shortly (I was usually right by the way), but now, I tell Bart that I either want a pony or a ring for Christmas. His response? Laugh and shake his head, then go back to playing World of Warcraft. We were in a mall once and approached by a salesman for some jewelry store who said "why don't you buy her something nice?" My response? "He's too cheap and stubborn for that". He turned three shades of red and elbowed me in the ribs. Apparently, that was NOT the ideal response.

Now, my friends have babies, and that's cool, that's something I can wait on (I already have a big baby at home, and he can't handle the competition) but marriage? Sign me up. I remember having a friend who was so obsessed with getting married, she even set her boyfriend's screen saver on his computer to the different rings she designed at DeBeers.com. While I am sure he didn't appreciate that, she was determined, she was GOING to get a ring from him. Another friend demanded they get married because she wasn't going to be the last in her circle who was single. Since when is this a competition? I see marriage announcements in the local newspapers from back home and I see people I knew getting married to each other, and honestly, I kind of laugh. Then when I am done, I think "Hmmm, I wonder when that'll be me? Will be send something back to post in the newspaper or will it just be a Facebook thing?" etc., etc. The same thing happens when I get on Facebook. Part of me feels satisfied when I find another friend my age who is NOT married or engaged. Yay, I am not alone! Yes, I actually celebrate those moments, because then I don't feel out of place or a loser for not being part of the special-special club of married and engaged folks.

Do relationships come with an expiration date like, "good until 02/05/11, will need to get engaged after that" or some kind of guideline we're suppose to follow and if we don't, we're bad? I won't lie, I want to get married, mainly because I love Bart (despite my story of how we met involving chloroform and rope) but yes, there is a part of me that wants to be in the 'circle'. Stupid, I know.

Even better, guys seem to be afraid of this. Why? If you live with the person, and you love then, why is it so bad to be married? It's the same as what you are now, except you get to wear some jewelry. What's so wrong with it? Is it the amount of money spent, or the idea that you can't just get up and leave if things go bad? Yes, these can be bad, but yet women seem to be okay with the idea. Odd, isn't it? Another reason I always hear is, "you get less sex after your married." You get less sex when you do something stupid, it's simple math, therefor, don't do stupid things that piss us off and we'll still get naked with you. Apparently though, it has been hammered into our heads enough time that we need to get married in order to be happy. I would be just as happy with a small wiener dog named "Hank", as in "Hank the Tank".

I say we, as women, just go with the flow and wait our turn, patiently. As for men, pull your heads out of your asses already and buy us the damn ring. Make us happy. We are much more pleasant/easier to deal with when we're happy.